"they left us something more precious than silver and gold..."

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

1% of the time

...when i talk about my job i usually say i can't complain...ya i luv my job 99% of the time is what i tell most people. the labor and delivery floor of the hospital is usually the happiest, funnest place in the hospital...not alot of sickness going around here.
families. joy. excitement. peace. adventure. beginnings. intimacy. unity. innocence. love. trust.
today was a 1% day for me. i dont get them alot but when i do i want to crawl into a hole and kinda disappear. my sweet patient delivered her little boy at 23 weeks. it always happens so fast, with little warning, hardly a push and he is here. he has a heartbeat...he is a fighter. im always scared and on the verge of losing it but i fake it and hold her hand and we cry. ive seen it before but you can hardly believe how little he is...delicate, almost unreal. little legs flailing and arms loose. the adrenaline and instincts kick in and we are suppose to give him his best chance. afterwards i always become dazed and confused...my patient has a window in her room and i see all the cars driving here and there and i wonder if they know what matters in life. isn't this how it is for us alot of times...we take things for granted and we worry about little things that don't matter. how much can we get done, how fast, how fancy, how so not important. because when i have moments like this i realize this is what life is about. i wonder how she will cope with this for the rest of her life...will it make her stronger...i tell her i have never been where she has been...i don't understand her pain but Christ does and she agrees. i wonder this time how long i can keep this feeling of wanting to live every minute in the moment. i will always believe there is a purpose.


Scott & Katie Ulrich Family said...

That would be so hard. You are probably a great nurse to have at a time like that. I can't imagine being the mother in a situation like that. Your job would be great for the most part though. I can understand that. I'm sure excited to see you guys in a month!

go mom go said...

Thanks for the reminder of how precious life is and what really matters. I'll hug my kids a little tighter tonight and give them an extra kiss.

Humphries said...

Thanks for the reminder of what is really important in life. I bet you were such a great support to that mom in her time of need. My house didn't get cleaned today, but Joseph and I got to color and play trains together. What a blessing that was.

Kemp Kuties said...

Been there, albiet not that early. Life is amazing and these little spirits have more fight in them than we know. Medicine can only do so much, and then we have to turn it over to the Lord.

Voluntering at the NICU has opened my eyes to that. Hope your little mom is doing OK

Spencer, Erin and Parker Clegg said...

Cam- I loved that entry about your work. Beautiful really. And your girls are growing so much and they are so cute.