1% of the time

...when i talk about my job i usually say i can't complain...ya i luv my job 99% of the time is what i tell most people. the labor and delivery floor of the hospital is usually the happiest, funnest place in the hospital...not alot of sickness going around here.
families. joy. excitement. peace. adventure. beginnings. intimacy. unity. innocence. love. trust.
today was a 1% day for me. i dont get them alot but when i do i want to crawl into a hole and kinda disappear. my sweet patient delivered her little boy at 23 weeks. it always happens so fast, with little warning, hardly a push and he is here. he has a heartbeat...he is a fighter. im always scared and on the verge of losing it but i fake it and hold her hand and we cry. ive seen it before but you can hardly believe how little he is...delicate, almost unreal. little legs flailing and arms loose. the adrenaline and instincts kick in and we are suppose to give him his best chance. afterwards i always become dazed and confused...my patient has a window in her room and i see all the cars driving here and there and i wonder if they know what matters in life. isn't this how it is for us alot of times...we take things for granted and we worry about little things that don't matter. how much can we get done, how fast, how fancy, how so not important. because when i have moments like this i realize this is what life is about. i wonder how she will cope with this for the rest of her life...will it make her stronger...i tell her i have never been where she has been...i don't understand her pain but Christ does and she agrees. i wonder this time how long i can keep this feeling of wanting to live every minute in the moment. i will always believe there is a purpose.

some vids...classic

~my college friend Makaila came to visit for a weekend and this is only picture we took! we had a fun weekend taking the girls to the pool, shopping, becoming obsessed with Arbonne facial products, going to a hard core workout class, and taking her out to eat to Chipolte for her first time.

~since last fast and testimony meeting at church, savannah has been obsessed with the whole "testimony" idea. i've caught her talking in the mirror to herself..."okay boys and girls, i'm going to share my testimony now..." i caught her doing it the other day but she freaked out when she saw me videoing so i didn't add that edition but she wanted to do it again, so we did. it's pretty cute and kinda funny too.

~check this out my sister amy won DANCING WITH THE STARS: in Chicago...it was a March of Dimes event to raise money for Premature Babies like her sweet little Miss Kate who was born 5 weeks early but now is a spunky little 3 year old! She "competed" against other local Chicago celebs like Chicago Sun Times Columnist Dr Lauren and Jen Schefft (from the Bachelorette :)!...she rocked! Click here to check it out!

~this last video is just for the heck of it...
i know someone out there will enjoy this...

"watcha doin?"

lucy's latest saying..."watcha doin mommy?"
...well it was a busy july...here's what i've been doin

saying good-bye to my sweet grandpa gourley. my gramps passed away on july 19th...at his home, peacefully. i'm not sure if it is ever easy to say good-bye and when i think of my grandpa, it just seems like he will always be there...because he always was there, for every important thing in my life. every one.

alot of people didn't even know that my grandpa had one artificial leg from the knee down. he lost his leg working in the steel fire pits at geneva in provo, ut. he was only off 6 months before he was back to work. that was a lesson i learned from my grandpa..."when the going gets tough, the tough gets going." tough is an understatement...his determination and drive to succeed has been an influential example in my life.

his love for my grandma speaks for itself...high school sweet hearts...60 years of marriage. he would do anything for my grandma and for his entire family. my grandfather didn't have to tell you how much he loved the Lord...he showed you his love for the gospel of Jesus Christ by showing charity, love, and understanding to everyone around him.

i was so grateful to spend the weekend with my sisters, mom & dad...time to rememeber our grandfather's influence and time spent supporting and loving my grandmother.

his legacy...4 children, 23 grandchildren, and 36 great-grandchildren. our kids refer to my grandma & grandpa as the "GREATS" because they are just that. i will miss you gramps, thank-you for your example and so much more.

*"what else ya been doin?"

*soaking up rays at the annual kesler reunion in island park, id...

here's to a week of:

*lots of swimming!

*putting swimsuits on at 8am and taking them off at 8pm!

*no 30 hour work shifts!, limited cell phone coverage, lots of hours driving in the car - quaility time together (kinda!), no tv, and a room at the lodge (thanx babe!)

*actually getting a picture of lucy with me...kinda looking at the camera!

*a little too much time on our hands (this is the very mild version)...

*playing with cousins! that's right 14 cousins under the age of 5!

*lots of games...balancing on the surf boards, family bingo, don't forget the lyrics, long runs & swimming from one side of the lake to the other, water balloon toss, s'mores, scavenger hunt, and the usual "random" kesler late night games (and they wonder why i try to sneak off to bed...jk!!!)

*lots of skiing and boating...did i say lots, i mean seriously alot.

*trying to act legit.

*taking the first ring off our paper chain...our residency countdown chain...11 months to go!

...the update. so now i'm off to check your blogs and see "whatcha been doin!"

cel-e-brate good times, come on...

lots of pics = a good time!

our freeze family reunion is always during the 4th of july and usually in provo but this year we all flew to chicago to spend the holiday with my sister amy and her family. we all crashed at her beautiful home and let's just say it was slightly wild...thanx for being a great host am, we had a blast!

..the cubbies were out of town but that didnt stop this die hard from making the trek to wrigley to purchase some gear and take in the sites. the boys did make it to a sox's game for "boys night out" and my dad even caught a foul ball, booyah!

...a day at lincoln park zoo...it's pretty amazing, it is right down town and it is free to get into the zoo so there are all these different entry's around the park, just open gates. you can take paddle boats from the zoo out to a stretch towards the city buildings, cool.

4th activities: sparklers...but even better in the mid-west liGhtENing buGs! savannah was amazed and collected a few in a jar! a great water balloon toss game, celebrating ty's 10th birthday, pizza from mancinis!, awesome park with fountains & a game of baseball...

...the oak park parade, matching outfits for the cousins (thanx nanny!), an early morning run "4 on the 4th"...some of the little guys even came at 6:30am for the fun run...can't you tell they were happy! the race was legit, a perfect way to start the day!

...a day down at the navy pier...matching outfits (again, nanny you really are the best), hotdogs at parky's, a ride on the ferris wheel - beautiful scenery of downtown, kids going on the drop ride, the children's museum (totally awesome, a must do if in chicago!), odd pirate acts...seriously a pirate was hitting on my sister emily and it was scary.

...girls night out! dinner at the grand lux, shopping, and dessert at the signature room while we watched the nightly firework show from navy pier. the signature room is located on the 95th floor of the hancock tower in downtown. it has the most amazing view of the city, we all went out to eat there the night before we left...phenomenal as cam would say.

...park & pool obviously a fam favorite and perfect weather (go amy!). one of my favorite parts of the week is when cam put together a slide show at the end of the week with all our pictures...he set it up outside on the projector and we watched it after the fireworks...it was legit babe!

savannah & ellie thought they were so funny on the airplane, they kept beggin me to take pictures of them making silly faces...they were laughing so loud, it was cute. how sweet is miss mallory, she will be ONE this week!

...i did my danskin tri the weekend before we left for chicago. lindsey & emily came in for the weekend. emily had done it before but it was mine and lindsey's first tri. it was so awesome! we had a blast...it was a bit of a bummer because they ended up shortening the swim because race officials felt the water was too cold (which we didn't think it was bad at all and we are kinda wimps when it comes to cold water!)...but it really was a perfect race day. we all decided to stay together and finish together (click), so it was pretty cool to keep a look out for each other and keep each other going!it was so freakin comical when we headed off on our bikes, lindsey comes riding up next to me a few minutes into it and her helmet was on backwards...i'm like, check it...your helmets on backwards! she was all miffed and "i know! people keep telling me!" she was too focused to stop and change it so all throughout the bike people kept saying, "do you know your helmets on backwards?" i sure luved racing though and hope i can do it more* hope you all had a great 4th, sorry for the novel.